Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize