You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
