i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
