I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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