How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize