I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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