as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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