How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
