The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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