and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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