Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
