She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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