god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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