She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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