i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
