Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
