Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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