I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
