I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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