She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
MIDGETS
????
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
