This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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