i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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