My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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