i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they need to just BURY HIM!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
