remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
