Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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