i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
