I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
