I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
