maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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