next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
