I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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