i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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