Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
