when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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