talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
