Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
