I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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