I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
