the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
