finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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