it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
