Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize