The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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