I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
