So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
