He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
