I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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