If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
