I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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