we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
