Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
