Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
two words...techno handjob
She bit a glass in half.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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