The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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