we're blogging at a bar
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
