Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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