I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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