I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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