it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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