is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We were destined to go to rehab together
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
