4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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