Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
babies were throwing up all over the place
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
