i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just had sex bonerless
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
