Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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