Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
