you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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