I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Enjoy the penises
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
