he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
