First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
