I think I won the penis lottery.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
