I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
