can u get pink eye on your cock?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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