i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
